Thursday, November 11, 2010
stay close, don't go
You're lying right?
-
Shouldn't have go today, i seriously should have freaking walk away after the first set. Why did i stay to make myself feel worse? Gosh i hate writing how pathetic i am there, it feels like self-pity- but i still am anyway LOL. And i'm too trying hard to play fine. But really you guys played well altho we still lost. Its kinda nice and consoling to know that the team is just better off without someone like me. Hah i have 2 more bloody years, by then everything would in fact be so much better. But would things get worse when its least expected to be? Gosh i don't wanna know. And if i ever gets worse, well maybe in fact by then it wouldn't be since i expected it.
Don't put me on court when you think i'm not needed. Don't have to make up for what you've forgotten the last match. I don't think its nice of you doing that. Don't give us false hopes, its making me feeling really screwed up. I don't need to be your evidence of what you promised others you would do. If you think i'm lousy, say it. If you think i'm not worthy of this team, tell me. I'll leave automatically, but just don't keep me holding on when you plan to give up on me right from the start.
And i hate feeling distant and disgusted with someone you used to be so close with, this feeling kinda sucks. I hate seeing you with what we've been through and i find it disgusting. I hate it when you talk and joke with me because i don't know whether to laugh along or walk away. I hate it when you smile at me and i just gotta fake it. I hate being thrown away and judge as what you think i'm not so good in. I thought we were friends, why the hell do i feel so threatened when i'm with you? Sorry for feeling this way, i thought i could manage. I don't know. I wish we weren't so close, so i'll just see you in the way i used to like and accepted. And if we weren't so close,the little things you do, won't hurt me as much as it did.
Feels retarded huh? I worked so hard for something i thought i was damn good in, then suddenly an injury was all it took to prove you guys. To prove you guys how i can't do stuff because of what i am so scared of. And my sprain ankle was what it took, to push me to my lowest. And a setter became a attacker, i admit she's good. But what about the people who tried so hard for what they thought they were good at? What about those people who wants to try out something else? Why she gets the chance, and why don't we? Why can she hold on the ball for so long without getting scolded? Why can she sit there and rest there for so long when i can't even take a break. Oh my gosh is this biasness OOPS i saw through your actions, silly me.
Let #14 be the bench sitter cuz the bench looks pretty lonely.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
tonguetied
Hi guys
-I bought new earphones
-I bought this cat shirt that i really like
-I met this stranger on omegle and i really like him as a friend alot, haha
-I love tumblr alot
-I love my earphones alot
-I can't wait to get my blackberry on 19 of November
-I can't wait for christmas
-I can't wait for my hongkong trip
-I can't wait for my korea trip
-I wish i'll get a new camera for my trips
-I wish I was a bloody loner and friendship problems would stay away from me
-I wish I wasn't so scared of losing friends
-I wish I had the guts to text you
-Just heard from lydia u13 starts this saturday ( I don't give a damn, i hope)
-Fuck there's a match tomorrow @ 7pm, i doubt i'm playing anyway
Ok goodbye
Saturday, November 6, 2010
The distance
Hey you
How have you been doing? Alright? Glad that you're in the same class as her next year, haha are you happy? :-) Please take care of yourself, that cca of yours can kill you any moment with all those trainings. Please drink more water and don't ever fall sick. And if you ever glance through my facebook, and realise of those stupid love sick quotes are for you, freak out at anytime you're comfortable with, haha! You cute thing, i like how you express what "crush" is, ITS SO DAMN CUTE! Oh and you mentioned if any girl said the same thing, you'll find her cute, well i don't think i have the guts too, but haha i'm reciting it silently so maybe you can hear me when you sleep. See you next year cuz i doubt we'll meet up anyway, haha. And i miss you alot, hell lot. And this feeling is killing me.
xx
Jx
Friday, November 5, 2010
Hello mids!
Omg i only can screen shot one, cuz i'm apparently noob at all this!
I love you jean gan and I MISS YOU LITTLE GIRL
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
ordinary girl
Tomorrow's the second u16 match, hope gabby gets to play!!!!! :-)
Notes to self:-
1) Control emotions
2) Pms lock MUST be switch on
3) Top up my bus card lolololol
4) Save up for mummy's birthday this SAT!
5) Pray for the gurls for tomorrow's match :-)
So short post guys, will update more on the match tomorrow when i get back home! You guys sleep tight, its pretty late now. And anyone started on holiday homework yet.....? Not me :-( I'm waiting for the textbooks, you? Okay goooood nite
Close the door
You know how it feels like giving your everything, yet it just fell apart right in front of you? I wish i didn't had any expectations of anything, anyone and even myself. I screwed up the whole last set. I think without me, you guys could have freaking won the match today. I hate this, i hate all this alot! I feel like walking away, from everything since i'm gonna let down everything i do. I seriously can't find that confidence and hope i lost in myself and i don't know why i don't even bother to.
Can i just sit on the bench all day? Cheer when you guys score a point, thinking how much badly i would have done if i was on court. Bringing your towels and water bottles to you, in every time out, encouraging you guys all the way, when actually i'm the one who needs it most? Yeah, i think so, i think i like how the bench seems to give me sympathy when i hear us cheer, to remind me how i'm not in the team, and just being nothing at all. Can i fake it all?
Good nite guys, it has been a long day. And i can't wait for thursday- no i'm lying
Can i just sit on the bench all day? Cheer when you guys score a point, thinking how much badly i would have done if i was on court. Bringing your towels and water bottles to you, in every time out, encouraging you guys all the way, when actually i'm the one who needs it most? Yeah, i think so, i think i like how the bench seems to give me sympathy when i hear us cheer, to remind me how i'm not in the team, and just being nothing at all. Can i fake it all?
Good nite guys, it has been a long day. And i can't wait for thursday- no i'm lying
P/s: Gab, i love you, cheer up plz! Don't cry anymore gurl :-(
this is goodbye
this is goodbye
Monday, November 1, 2010
barely there
I feel so damn tired damn, tomorrow is u16, i've got a feeling we'll do well. But let's just keep it low for a moment, haha. Today's training was usual. I like the last few minutes of it, you think?
OH I think when you get angry, just scream. Yell out like you can't hear yourself, and probably you feel like you exist more.I hate it that i have to bottle up everything, and burst out last minute. I don't think you even tried noticing how hard was it for me to regain my confidence. So what if practised at home? When i see that damn ball in the air, i just can't do it. I fucking can't, dude! I tried everything, i really did. Why can't you freaking see it! HAHA, but what's the point man, she's always better than me. Forever better than me. Well, let me tell you what- regret when you got the chance when i own you in the ass :o)
All the best for u16 tmr gurls! And gosh, you look damn hot in your uniform. I wish I had the guts to say that in your face, and maybe even say hi. Why am i always feeling barely there? Or maybe nothing at all, i feel like falling into pieces. I so wanna date the bench right now, i think its lonely and cute. Don't worry imma be there tmr with u dear ^^
YOU WAIT FOR ME AND MY COMEBACK OKAY
